I'll be honest with you, this isn't going to work.

I'm sitting here, eating a hot wing, wondering how you can possibly survive out running an ogre while dragging a heavily pregnant woman behind you. She's not going to move very fast and he's much faster and dextrous than you probably think. I'm going to have to kill you and I'm not sure I want to, but you want to be a coward and save the day at the same time. So I guess you should grab her and run or something and I'll figure it out while I finish my hot wings.




Do you know what that world doesn't have? Hotwings.




Still running? Good. Avoid the sheep, they're carnivorous.




That ogre can move pretty fast on his short, stocky legs. He's right behind you. And that pregnant lady is breathing pretty hard.




Hold on, I need a napkin.

You stop even though the grunting ogre laborously runs up behind you. He's got a thick club in his hand that you don't see because you haven't turned around, after all you thought everyone in the picture was put on pause. But the napkins are down a flight of stairs and in a napkin holder in the middle of the table, or should be, but rogue gnomes have turned them all into doll dresses so more must be gathered from the top of the refrigerator. It's taking a while and in that few seconds you not only become bored but notice something sparkling at your feet. As the club swings you bend over to pick it up and the heavy chunk of wood misses your skull by a fraction of an inch.

The sparkling distraction turns out to be a diamond blade in a golden hilt. The pommel is engraved with the blade's name, "Deus ex Machina". It might even be magic but in your hands we'll never know.

You stand, suddenly sure of yourself and turn to face the ogre. The lack of impact from his swing had made him stumble and he is still pushing himself from the ground. He's clearly evil and magic blades are made for smiting evil so you throw it at him. The virtuous blade sails through the air and defies physics as it plunges into the beast's chest. A gurgle of blood foams at his mouth before he collapses back to the ground. You've saved the day!

Murderer.

Having mystically survived that ordeal you and the pregnant woman whose name you haven't even bothered to find out (it's Gertrude, BTW) make it the road. You can see roofs of a village to left and tendrils of smoke to the right. Straight across is more of that horrid forest you trudged through this morning.

Left towards the deadly town.

Right towards the smoke of death.

Back into the welcoming and safe forest.